“I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you’ve always wanted to be, and feel alone.”
— Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon
(via books-n-quotes)
nolahxrocks
Pairing: Montgomery de la Cruz x reader
Word count: 1524 words.
Warning: Angst?
A/N: After over a month of not posting anything, here part 23. I can’t promise I will update soon since finals (yeah those suckers again) are in less than two weeks and I have tons to study BUT I will try to write maybe shorter parts and post them. What do you think? Again, thank you guys for your support and patience. Xx, Sophia.
Ten days. Ten days since you almost lost your best friend. But those were ten long days you had to face Liberty on your own, avoiding the jocks as much as you could and pretending to be deaf whenever you walked by a crowded corridor and you were inevitably followed by whispers. It was beyond tiring. The rumors. The many stories students shared, getting twisted and more fucked up the more they traveled from group to group.
The final bell of the morning rang and it was followed by a loud sigh escaping your mouth as you rushed to gather your belongings and stormed out of biology straight to the cafeteria where you found Tony waiting for you. “Jess said she has practice, so it’s just the two of us today.” You nodded, your mind clearly busy about something else. “You okay, (Y/N)?”
“Hm hm”
“(Y/N) are you even listening to me?” You shook your head. “What’s going on? Is Jeff alright?”
“It’s not Jeff…”
That wasn’t helping him at all. Indeed, he got even more worried. “What is it then? You’re worrying me, (Y/N)…”
It came like a storm on a sunny day. When you were starting to heal, this came and messed up with your clearer mind putting you in an awful mood throughout the whole morning and once more, making you not able to focus on anything during classes.
You just stepped inside the half-empty halls of Liberty when Jessica came out of nowhere and dragged you behind her without saying a word until you reached an empty classroom where Justin was. “Good morning to you too Jess.” You chuckled nervously and when none of them said a word, you started to be worried. “What’s going on?”
Jessica simply shot a rather insisting look to her boyfriend who shifted nervously on his feet, unable to meet your gaze. “(Y/N) … I …”
“Come on Justin.” The brunette insisted.
He took a deep breath before blurting quickly. “There was no bet.”
It took you a full minute to understand what he was talking about and your eyes immediately drifted to Jessica. She told him even when you made her promise not to say a word. “You promised you wouldn’t say …” You paused. Wait a second. “What did you say, Justin?”
“Monty, for some reason, lied to you. There was no bet.”
You frowned. “How do you know that?”
“Heard him talking to Scott the other day but I didn’t know what it was about until Jess told me about that.” He motioned his hands. “Made the connection and thought you should know about this rather than think he used you.”
You sighed and leaned back on your chair. “Now I am lost, Tony. What am I supposed to do with this?”
The sound of the shower was still on when you carefully tiptoed inside the boys’ locker room. It smelled like sweat and men’s shower gel. Typical. You heard the water stop and the familiar whistling getting closer to where you were silently standing drawing an instant smile on your lips but you quickly shook your head and spun on your heels ready to go. You shouldn’t have listened to Tony in the first place. What were you thinking about when he told you to go and have a serious talk with Montgomery. It was a bad idea. And maybe Justin was lying to you about what he said he heard. Or maybe he was the one who bet Montgomery and now he was trying to get you again on another one. “(Y/N)? What are you doing here?” You froze. That was unexpected.
“I… Uh Well… I…” Your heart was beating fast and loud inside your chest and if he got any closer to you, you were sure he would be able to hear it or maybe if he got any closer your heart would stop beating once for good. You took a deep breath and slowly turned around to face him after what seemed like forever. “I … I was looking for you actually.” You managed to say those few words without your voice breaking.
“What for?”
Even though it wasn’t the first time you would see him half-naked, you couldn’t seem to focus on what you wanted to tell him. “I … Can we talk somewhere else?”
“What do you need to talk about that you didn’t want to say inside?” You tilted your head up and found him leaning against the metal railing that separated the bleachers from the baseball field. He wasn’t wearing his usual plaid shirt but the letterman jacket that he didn’t like so much. It always made you smile whenever he complained about having to wear it and you smiled, even more, when he told you he liked it better on you. He was tired, you could hear it from the sound of his voice. Why did you have to know him so well?
“Justin told me there was no bet.” You stated without breaking the eye contact you established a few seconds ago. “Correct me if I am wrong but if there was no bet, then there is something else.”
“You told Justin?”
“I had the unfortunate idea of telling Jess.” You replied crossing your arms over your chest to prevent your hands from shaking even more. “Even though she promised not to tell him, she ended up wanting to help and maybe fix everything up. As if there was something to fix in all this mess.” The last part sounded harsher than you thought it would be but didn’t he deserve a little pain after all he said to you?
He circled the railing and hopped on the bleachers to sit next to you, his arm slightly brushing over yours and his leg gently bumped yours before he rested it against yours just like he used to do whenever he would sit next to you sending shivers through your body. You hated yourself for reacting like this but you couldn’t help it. Not a word came out from his mouth for a moment, it was quite difficult for you to understand what his silence meant really. “Justin was right.” He didn’t look at you, kept his eyes focused on an invisible point in front of him. “There was no bet and everything I said was bullshit, I meant nothing of it.” You didn’t expect him to confess so easily. You knew him and you knew how hard it was for him to admit his mistakes but he surprised you, caught you off guard.
Should you feel relieved or should you worry about the real reason behind his behavior? You looked at him, confusion plastered on your face. “What … Why … Why did you say that then?”
He rested his head in his hands and sighed. “I can’t tell you anything…”
“Why not? I have the right to know why you suddenly decided to break up with me!”
His jaw was so clenched that you were sure that if he pushed a little harder, he would break a tooth. “I didn’t fucking decide anything (Y/N)!” A mix of anger and pain was laced in his voice. He never yelled at you even when he was beyond pissed and sure, the tone he used made you shiver and your heart skip beats. He closed his eyes and spoke again, seconds later, in a much calmer tone. “If it was up to me, we would still be together…” As if your heart wasn’t broken enough, you felt it shatter into thousand more pieces inside your chest. It was painful in more than a way, frustrating at some point.
“It’s not helping, Monty.” You whispered.
“I am sorry I can’t say anything.” He sounded defeated. Montgomery never lied to you. He knew that one wrong move could make you run away from him and picked honesty over anything else to keep the only positive thing that ever happened to him in his life. But the choice made wasn’t his. If only you knew. If only you knew that the many nights you cried yourself to sleep, he did too. That whenever you weren’t paying attention, he did and blamed himself for everything. He got angry and punched walls and mirrors before he broke into tears, unable to hold himself anymore. He wished he didn’t make a move on you almost a year ago so he didn’t have to see you broken and dull of your usual sparkling mood. “You were and you will always be the best thing in my life, (Y/N)…”
Tears quickly filled your eyes. “Monty don’t…”
“But we can’t be together.” He didn’t look at you because he knew that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to hold it together as he did ever since he sat next to you. You were his weakness. Tragic for the strong and tough boy he was. He left you sitting there, lost and even more heartbroken. It was easier for you to believe that you were a bet rather than not knowing the exact reason why Montgomery suddenly decided to break up with you.
Tag: @pllfanatic
